It Ain't Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen, #1)by Tillie Cole Published 27 4 2014
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Sinning never felt so good… A fortuitous encounter. A meeting that should never have happened.
Many years ago, two children from completely different worlds forged a connection, a fateful connection, an unbreakable bond that would change their lives forever…
Salome knows only one way to live—under Prophet David’s rule. In the commune she calls home, Salome knows nothing of life beyond her strict faith, nor of life beyond the Fence—the fence that cages her, keeps her trapped in an endless cycle of misery. A life she believes she is destined to always lead, until a horrific event sets her free.
Fleeing the absolute safety of all she has ever known, Salome is thrust into the world outside, a frightening world full of uncertainty and sin; into the protective arms of a person she believed she would never see again.
River ‘Styx’ Nash knows one thing for certain in life—he was born and bred to wear a cut. Raised in a turbulent world of sex, Harleys, and drugs, Styx, unexpectedly has the heavy burden of the Hades Hangmen gavel thrust upon him, and all at the ripe old age of twenty-six—much to his rivals’ delight.
Haunted by a crushing speech impediment, Styx quickly learns to deal with his haters. Powerful fists, an iron jaw and the skillful use of his treasured German blade has earned him a fearsome reputation as a man not to be messed with in the shadowy world of outlaw MC’s. A reputation that successfully keeps most people far, far away.
Styx has one rule in life—never let anyone get too close. It’s a plan that he has stuck to for years, that is, until a young woman is found injured on his lot… a woman who looks uncannily familiar, a woman who clearly does not belong in his world, yet a woman he feels reluctant to let go…
"It Ain't Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen, #1)" Reviews
Re-read 1/10/17: After watching a marathon of Leah Remini's show on Scientology I felt like reading some cult action lol...Cue Tillie Cole!
Holy Scorch my Biker Ovaries, Batman.
Just as wicked awesome the 10 millionth time around...
5 It has always been you Stars
*There will be some spoilers*
First read Dec 2015
Reread May 2017
“Off-limits. Y’all get that now? She’s under my protection and is none of your fuckin’ business. Any one of you goes near her and I’ll kill y’all. That’s a fuckin’ iron-clad promise,”-Styx
“I am truly happy that I got to see you again. I thought about you often, the boy behind the fence, the boy on the outside… the boy who stole my first and only kiss, and I nightly prayed for your safety and happiness. It is a ritual I will forever keep.”-Mae
HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!!!!!!!!!! This book blew me away. This beautiful, dark, twisted, and exciting book drove me over the edge, and had me losing my shit. I mean really losing my shit, like hyperventilating I even got dizzy. I had to stop at one point and just breathe. Now that is some talented writing. Tillie Cole hats off to you, for writing something that wrung every emotion out of me. I felt everything.
“You were displeased. I was providing you with pleasure. As a woman, that is what is expected of me. It is selfish and a sin to deny you pleasure.” I swallowed back the growl about to let rip from my throat. “Y-you do that a lot wh-where you from? G-get fucked like a d-damn sex-slave?” She hesitated for a moment, eyebrows drawn, then nodded reluctantly. That did it. I stood and had to shake out my shoulders. I needed to fight. Hurt someone. “Th-that how you fucked, b-babe? Were you f-forced into that sh-shit?” Hearing the catch of breath, I turned to hear the answer. “It is essential for sharing the Lord’s love, for the sacrificial exchange of bodies. For the leaders of my people… for the men of my people… I… I did not have a choice in this act… None of the sisters did.”-Mae and Styx
“I-I just g-got you. I t-tried to stay away, do the right thing. B-because I ain’t no good for you. But fuck, I want you so b-bad I feel like I-I c-can’t breathe. Can’t p-push you away n-no more. Need to have you c-close.”-Styx
Styx was raised in the MC. His dad who died last year was the MC President. Now that job falls on Styx's shoulders at the age of 26. Called the Hangman Mute, because he stutters so bad he can't speak, he had to earn their respect the hard way. 15 years earlier when his father and some others were dumping bodies out in a woods he came across a fenced in area that looked like a prison. There he seen an angel. Wearing weird clothes, crying, she had black hair, beautiful blue wolf like eyes. That day he kissed her through the fence to try to make her happy. For years he had tried to find that place again, he never did , but he never forgot her. So when he finds her 15 years later bleeding to death on his club property, all those old feelings come rushing back. One look and he knows it's her, and he knows he has to protect her. But with an unknown enemy out there and war looming can he keep his Mae safe?
“I have only ever liked one boy in my life. I have only wanted one man to have as my own. I have only ever had one dream since I was eight. Styx, the dream is you. You stole my heart fifteen years ago and you still haven’t given it back.”-Mae
“I w-want you too. F-fuck, I want you in m-my bed, by my side, on m-my bike. I w-want you as m-my old lady. Taking c-care of me, n-needing me… letting me inside you.”-Styx
Mae was raised in religious commune cult, where their leader, Prophet David, let all the girls ages 8 and up be raped in what was called the lord's sharing. completely shielded from the outside world, and brainwashed since birth by the teachings of the Prophet David, Mae is told that she is to become the 7th wife of Prophet David on her 23rd birthday which will save her people. On the day of her wedding she finds her sister Bella who as been missing for weeks. Bella is dying, locked in a cage where she was raped, whipped and beaten to the point of death. There holding Bella's hand she sees that everything she was taught was wrong, so when Bella dies a few minutes later, she runs. Escaping, but hurt badly Mae ends up passing out in alley and waking up to a new and scary world filled with what looks like evil. Can Mae find her place in this new world that feels so foreign to her. Can she start a life of freedom and love with Styx or will her past come back and drag her home?
“He is everything to me. I see everything in him. We share something no one else can understand.”-Mae
“Yeah, b-babe, I’m evil. I’ve s-sinned more than you’d b-believe.” I ran my hands down my face. “Truth t-time. I’m bad… p-p-poisoned to my fuckin’ damned s-soul.”-Styx
Omg I loved Styx. He was hard, gitty,and raw. He was a biker through and through. Blood on his hands, but he was good to Mae. Loyal to his men. Totally bad ass with a knife. Styx was sexy as hell! Poor Mae bless her heart. The shit she lived through made me sick. Mae was a fighter, a survivor, and she had a good in her that shined. They didn't break her. She was brave. I loved Mae's character she had such strength. Styx and Mae together were beautiful. Their connection was strong and powerful. Tons of chemistry. Styx was sweet with Mae, gentle. The way he sang and played the guitar for her, and then he taught her to play. So sweet! Mae accepted Styx for him and he was able to relax and just be himself with her. She shined and rediscovered herself with him and he found peace.
“She fell in love with the dark lord, even though it did not seem right, did she not?” I nodded again. Where the hell is she going with this? She sighed happily and blushed. “Just like I have done with you.” I stilled and, putting my hand on her face, thrust her back, catching the blush creeping up her pale cheeks. Was she saying she loved me? Fuck. She was saying she fuckin’ loved me. I slammed my lips to hers and shifted her up on my hardening cock. Breaking away with a gasp, Mae asked shakily, “Did Hades love Persephone in return? Against the complaints of others, did he want her to stay by his side too?” Exhaling hard, I replied, “Yeah… yeah, he d-did… a wh-whole fuckin’ lot.” -Mae and Styx
“What the fuck happened with the skinheads?” Took out seven with my Uzis. Then got caught, carved up. I managed to get my Bowie from my cut, plucked out the last two fuckers’ eyes and made them eat that shit. Then I smashed up their skulls just to be sure, slit throats and stabbed hearts.” “Shit, Styx,” Ky said in a tight voice and swallowed back bile. “You’re one sick motherfucker. Effective, but sick.”-Ky and Styx
I loved the other gang members, especially Flame. There is something wrong with me I know, but I'm just drawn to the broken ones. I wanna fix em I can't help it. And God is Flame 10 kinds of fuckered up. Rider(Cain) I don't know how it happened, but in the course of one book, I went from loving him and feeling sorry for him, to hating him and finding him unredeemable. The shit he pulls, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him. I seen that he get his own book which will be book 4, but Tillie Cole has really got her work cut out for her if she wants me to see good in that man. Especially after he set Pit up, let him be beat, tortured and killed. And he watched it for God sake. And don't even get me started on what he did to Mae and Styx cuzz it makes me want to gut a fictional character.
“I know you think I have betrayed you, but everything was real, Mae. Us, our friendship, everything I said… especially the way I feel about you.” He edged closer to me and I held up my hand, signaling him to stop. He did so. “Really? Was it all real, Rider—Oops! I mean Cain! Forgive me if your kidnapping me and returning me here, to Hell, can be construed as a mere slight against me.”-Cain(Rider) and Mae
“Have you ever been part of a Lord’s sharing? Have you ever seen an eight-year-old girl raped, her legs pried apart by a bear trap because she was too scared to understand what was happening to her? Have you ever forced yourself inside a child, Cain, because you believe it will help you get closer to God and because the prophet deemed it so? Well, have you?” He went eerily still. “Well?” I pushed. “Did that happen to you? Here?” he asked through clenched teeth and I frowned, unable to find my words. “Mae! Answer me! Were you… taken as a child… like… that?”-Mae and Cain(Rider)
MC books have to walk a fine line with me. They are either a hit or a miss, because I can't stand cheating or woman beatin', but they can't be sappy pussies either. That is a hard line to walk bad, rule breaker , but not crossing that line into dickhead and this book did it perfectly. This book was amazing. I have never read a book by Tillie Cole before, but after one book I am hooked. I can't wait to see what else she has in store for this series.
“NO! Listen to me, Styx.” I gave her a nod and gripped my hands on her tiny fuckin’ waist. “This is no cage.” Her arms motioned to the clubhouse. “It is freedom. For the first time in my life, I feel wanted… like I finally belong. There is nowhere on Earth I would rather be than here with you. You do not cage me, Styx. You make me soar.”-Mae
“Fuckin’ l-love it, babe. L-love you in m-my life, on the b-back of my bike, in m-my bed, wrapped ’round m-my cock, and w-wearing my name on your back. You’re n-never l-leaving me, babe. Y-you’re in with m-me for life. The good, the b-bad, the f-fuckin’ crazy. M-met you as a kid, a damn m-mute. You g-gave me a voice. You g-gave me a life. You’re i-it, babe. You’re m-my whole f-fuckin’ world.”-Styx
Okay, because I created this bad boy, I'm gonna give it 5 HUGE stars!!!! I'll be releasing lots of teasers too, so as I do, I'll add them on here, as well as my website, for you to check out.
But before all that fun stuff, I wanted to share with you why I wrote this book. Its subject matters are dark and gritty, and in parts, taboo. Many readers have messaged me to let me know how intrigued they are by the 'cult' aspect of this story and I wanted to give you some context, a reason for why I chose to write about a topic quite alien to most. It Ain't Me, Babe, is very different from my usual style. Please read below, for why this book is so important to me.
For my undergraduate degree, I studied Comparative Religion. Due to outstanding lecturers, many who were considered experts in their chosen field, I was given the opportunity to meet various people from an array of cultures and faiths.
One of my specialised areas of study in my final year was in ‘New Religious Movements (NRM’s), Cults and Sects’. I was lucky to meet, and work with, members and former members of such religious groups. Most were happy with their lifestyle choice, others were not. I would say that ninety percent of the people I interviewed and worked alongside belonged to the former, but I will never forget the harrowing, and sometimes disturbing, testimonies and witness statements from the latter.
Unfortunately, amongst the genuine and sincere members of some NRM’s, there are also a very small number of opportunists and individuals who, for reasons unbeknownst to most, choose to use religion, and its influence on innocent people, for their own personal gain—whether it be for power, control, or sadly, for something much more sordid.
‘It Ain’t Me, Babe’ was inspired by the testimonies of ex-members from several NRM’s and the leaders that abused the power they had over their members—especially the women.
The female protagonist in this novel, ‘Salome’, endures situations inspired by real events told to me personally by survivors of such groups. Addressing this topic was very important to me, as it is an area of life, of humanity, in which most people are unaware.
Victims of these ‘opportunist’ groups are often not given a voice, and I wanted to give the many women I was so fortunate to meet, a chance to be heard.
‘It Ain’t Me, Babe’ is a work of fiction, but the doctrines, practices and experiences of ‘Salome’, her sisters and The Order in this novel are also inspired by several brave women who chose to share their story with me.
I am a thorough believer in the freedom of religion and respect, and have many friends, from many faiths. Most NRM’s that I worked with were honest and good people and do not deserve the bad reputation many of them acquire. What I do find unacceptable however, is when certain people take vulnerable, pure and God-fearing people and abuse their trust and kindness for their own selfish gain.
This novel is special to me, because I was able to share some of the issues these 'opportunist cults' can create, and the scars and nightmares, survivors of such places must live with for the rest of their lives.
The world of the Outlaw MC in this novel, however, is purely fictional, based on the author's research.
Thank you for your time.
Okay, folks! Follow the links for the teasers below:
3.5 Commune to Compound Stars
This is the story of an escaped religious cult member, Mae finding refugee in the arms of a MC President, Styx. I think because I didn't get swept up with Styx and Mae as a couple the story fell flat for me.
The Hangmen Biker Club was an okay club I didn't find them any different from any other biker books. Their dealings with other organizations were broader but their compound ran the same as any other I have read. As for the commune, well I watched HBO’s Big Love and The Order was pretty similar with Juniper Creek minus some of crazy ceremonies etc.
My major issue was once again... a story that wants to me to buy a once meeting between two extremely young kids that instills a bond of forever!! An eight year girl who falls fatefully in love with an 11 year old boy and visa versa from one meeting is complete bull…sorry.
Mae’s adaption to life at the compound was interesting as was Styx and Rider’s feelings for her. I enjoyed Styx’s bad ass leadership of his chapter and I guess I bought his love for “old wolf eyes”.
The convenience of the rescue right at the wedding ceremony…talk about timing.
”It is my love. He has come for me.”
Cain being a part of the cult and not growing up in it and completely unfamiliar with their ways but yet is the successor to the Prophet????
”…I didn’t realize what they were really like…”
The ending with the other hot cursed girls catching the top biker’s eyes had me shaking my head.
”Jesus Christ! Please tell me there’s more hot bitches in that cell, Mae. One for each of us… “
Overall, I found this to be an okay read, although Rider was an interesting character and I probably would pick up his story. So go forth and check it out for yourself because I LOVED this author’s Sweet Home series and it could just be a case that I just wasn’t swept away!
“We were always fated to be together.
He is my everything. He is my entire world...
...Styx is my salvation.”
It ain’t me, babe is dark, gritty and gut wrenching story of two people from different cultural worlds destined to be together.
Styx the infamous ‘Mute Hangmen’ is the president of the outlaw MC club Hades Hangmen. Despite his speech impediment, he is feared and respected by all. Even being a cold blooded killer, a reputation he earned to overcome his disability he has a secret! The one he’s been keeping since he was eleven, the girl with the wolf eyes whom he met in the woods captured his heart for so long that it became his obsession, his lifelong desire. After 15 years of nurturing his secret, fate finally brings his wolf eyed girl to his door step in the form of bleeding, bruised and unconscious Mae!
“Mae was mine.Mae is one of the four ‘cursed’ sisters belonging to the religious commune ‘The Order’ located in middle of the woods, guarded with heavy fence having no connection to the outside world. Mae and her sisters have been abused all their lives and one night after witnessing her dear sister’s horrific death she runs for her life and somehow manages to go beyond the safety of the fence after being chased by the guards, bitten by the dog, bleeding to death only to find herself waking up to meet the boy who stole her first kiss her only kiss when she was eight.
Fifteen long years of wanting her to be mine,
and here she sat,
curled up in my arms –
a fuckin’ angel in hell.”
"He was my only secret...The concept of MC book with a cult twist was quite unique and fascinating. Most of all I loved the connection between Mae and Styx. Their romance was the best part of the story, it was typical prince charming saving the damsel in distress with lot of fucked up things thrown in their way but every moment shared with them was so very beautiful. The secondary characters are to die for; they were cruel badass bikers but funny and damn protective of their club. I’m so glad most of them are getting their own stories!
my biggest ever sin.
He had become almost like a dream to me."
Rating clarification: Even with the great plot and amazing writing the story felt flat at certain aspects like for instance Mae has been abused, used and tormented all her life and after being taken under the wings of the hangmen she shows not sign of depression, nightmare, withdrawals or behavioral changes and for the girl who never stepped into outside world, she adjusts very well with her new found life. Instead of giving a month leap every now and then, the author could have dealt with developing her character and making it more realistic!
Now for the part I’m dying to say since I read the glossary : *RANT ALERT*[spoilers removed]
Buddy read with my bestie Eda♥
P.S: Thanks for trusting me and going in blind babe, sorry for the freak out over the glossary! Next time let’s make sure to read the blurb before diving in:p
MY RATING: ☆☆☆☆☆ Stars
It Ain't Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen, #1)by Tillie Cole
You know your reading a good book when
1: You forgot to eat breakfast and dinner time rolls around
2: You're busting to go to the loo but you've reached a good part in the book and just carry on reading and just about piss your pants!!
3: You inhale it
4: You hit a HUGE mother fukka of a book funk!!
5: You hunt down the author for the next installment
I was recommended this by a friend who was reading it also and she loved it, now the sucky thing was where I live we encountered a powercut (4x days) whole town went on black out, and it drove me insane because I couldn't get on line to talk to her about this, rave about this or see what she had rated it less than a 5 *whispers* I was going to hunt her down with my cast iron frying pan to the head lol
BUT anyways this book was the bomb!! It kept me on the edge of my seat many of a time and since I couldn't get on line to talk about it I then resorted telling the partner all about it needless to say he has been MIA since lol
I am sooooooo freaking hanging out for the next book of this!! Seriously all you biker bitches jump on this I guarantee it you will LOVE IT as much as I did!! I have read ALOT of biker books where they now fall into the norm but this one is sooooo far out of that norm box it is not funny, it's such a unique story..Please do yourself a favor one click this bugga and get reading!!