Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Marriedby Abby Ellin Published 15 Jan 2019
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Abby Ellin was shocked to learn that her fiancé was leading a secret life. But as she soon discovered, the world is full of people who aren't what they seem.
From Abby Ellin's first date with the Commander, she was caught up in a whirlwind. Within six months he'd proposed, and they'd moved in together. But soon, his exotic stories of international espionage began to unravel. Finally, it all became clear: he was lying about who he was.
After leaving him and sharing her story, she was floored to find out that her experience was far from unique. People everywhere, many of them otherwise sharp-witted and self-aware, are being deceived by their loved ones every day.
In Duped, Abby Ellin studies the art and science of lying, talks to people who've had their worlds upended by duplicitous partners, and writes with great openness about her own mistakes. These remarkable stories reveal how often we encounter people whose lives beneath the surface are more improbable than we ever imagined.
"Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married" Reviews
Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married
After the author, a writer who considers herself pretty savvy when it comes to people, finds that she’s been totally conned in her personal relationship, she decides to write a book about that experience and more. She tells what happened with “The Commander” as she called him, a doctor who was a Marine and took off all over doing deeds of good at a moment’s notice. All top secret and hush-hush, of course. She had a healthy skepticism but continued seeing him and got sucked in and they got engaged and moved in together.
Then it got harder to ignore the things that didn’t add up. Eventually, the situation blew itself up and they split up after his stories became a bit too much. But the book is done with that in the first little bit and goes on much longer about double lives and people who deceive and live falsely. I rather expected more of a story about her being duped I suppose. I didn’t realize the relationship was so short lived. Just so you know, it’s more about other people than just the man who tricked her. My thanks for the advance electronic copy that was provided by NetGalley, author Abby Ellin, and the publisher for my fair review.
Public Affairs 272 pages
Pub: Jan 15th, 2019
RATED: 3.5/5 Stars
My BookZone blog:
I was listening to this as everything about AJ Finn/Dan Mallory came to the surface and couldn't stop thinking "of course."
Ellin's story begins with being duped by a man called The Commander. He seemed too good to be true and, ultimately, he was. He played her, as well as numerous women before her, and that's where the book gets really great. Ellin digs into what makes some people choose to develop false identities and what it is that makes others believe it.
I admit to being someone who is extremely intuitive about others. I get a feeling and am right nearly every time. But I have thought a lot about people who don't have that radar and what it is that helped me develop it. Ellin posits that it's learned and developed, which for me, makes sense (grow up in a family with unreliable folks and learn to spot those traits -- if you don't grow up with that, then chances are you don't NEED to develop those traits).
Complainers about this book have done so because "politics." Of course Ellin talks about why people would believe someone like 45 and why he's maintained support, despite being a liar. It's part of her research and it's done well.
Totally fascinating and engaging. The audiobook is performed really well. For readers who like true crime without blood, while this book doesn't focus on a specific crime, it does dig into criminality of falsehoods and likely would be a perfect reading fit.
Wow, a book about dupers, and liars, what's not to like!? A very interesting subject that the Liberal author could not resist using to make multiple digs at the current administration in D.C. I was willing to forgive the first time right at the beginning of the book, and then the second time a few pages later, but it wore thin after a while. If I'd wanted to read a political book skewering Donald Trump, then I would have sought one out. I really dislike it when authors do this. Why alienate one-half of your readers?
Casting my complaints aside, I did enjoy all the information about duping and how such emotional betrayals affect your life.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Book Group for proving me with a copy to review.
Surprisingly captivating! This book had me turning the pages well after midnight and well after my eyes wanted to close. The author tells the stories of duplicitous individuals in a fascinating and engaging manner. I was hooked form page one. I appreciated the scientific anecdotes alongside the enthralling narratives. Five stars.
Pure garbage. I wanted to finish just be done with it, but had to give up less than half-way through. I don't like to be angry about how badly something is written. If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.
True Crime Memoir For Social Science Fans (TW suicide/ rape/ briefly mentions cases with pedophile)
I love true crime memoirs–any memoir especially where the author just bares all–and have always loved social science so this hit a lot of yeses for me. Abby Ellin was basically duped by a conman and she tells her story here–interestingly enough, the two things I thought should have been the biggest red flags were actually the things he wasn’t lying about. She then also looks into why people lie, con, cheat, sociopaths, and those who fall victim. It’s a book that is very easy to judge and say, “Well, you should have known better,” or “I would never have fallen for that,” but that’s the whole point of the book–why do we blame the victims? And is it better to live life assuming everyone is out to get you or to have faith that they aren’t? I also found myself thinking about how victims are chosen and how someone who wants to be, and feels they need to be, loved can make easier marks, and how predators know this. I felt like this had a good balance between her story and accessible social science that the book works well for most readers–and I recommend going with the audiobook if you have the option.
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